Xu Xian:
"The imbalance was the savage desire for retribution--which is the dark
face of the pacifist, in case you didn't know--and this desire for retribution
and humiliation of the aggressor in the first war...is what caused the humilated
and impoverished people of Germany to crave the strength of the Tyrant....and
not the King."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He nods a litle. "True enough."
Xu Xian:
"It's also what caused them to...believe that the abusive Tyrant was...a
proper King."
Xu Xian:
"Now...a man of Peace...would have understood...and anticipated
these...imbalances. And he would have fought, tooth and nail, to see that the
dark side of the pacifist did not prevail, regardless of how weak, insane, or
corrupt that might make him appear. He would use every tool at his
disposal--even fear, even torture--to ensure that the greater good was served."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He listens, frowning. Once again, he is accepting
the logic, though he seems to have difficulty liking it.
Xu Xian:
"The pacifist...pacifys. He submits to the desires of those who cry and
moan and complain the most."
Xu Xian:
"He lets himself be suckled and soothes the immature. And believes that
he is a martyr for this. But it is merely a lie. An illusion he tells himself
because he wishes to be thought of as a man of Peace, but he lacks the moral
courage and the insight with which to act like one."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He sighs a little bit. "All right. I'll admit, many
anti-war movements would have benefitted from someone a little
more...active-thinking then your average hippy." He smirks a little bit. "Do you
believe, though, that violence begets violence, and to destroy something just
brings on more destruction in it's wake, even with the best of intentions?"
Xu Xian:
"Violence is life. Life is violence."
Xu Xian:
"You cannot exist without doing violence to others. To the grain you eat,
to the animals you feed upon, to the earth you rend and tear to build your
fences and your cities."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"So how do you know...proper violence from improper
violence? After a certain point, I'd imagine one's moral compass gets a bit off
of North."
Xu Xian:
"You come into the world doing violence, rending your mother apart,
kicking and screaming and covered gore..." He takes a long drink of his beer,
eyes going unfocused, sadness in his gaze.
Xu Xian:
((covered in gore))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"Xu?" He watches the man, his eyes taking a
concerned look for the other.
Xu Xian:
He draws in a deep breath and pulls himself back from wherever he's
mentally wandered off to. "There is no way to be perfect. No way to predict all
outcomes, or to...prepare for all eventualities. One must assess the
situation...and do the best one can in the circumstances."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"Of course. But that's not exactly what I asked."
Xu Xian:
"Well, then...rephrase it? And I'll see if I can answer it."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He thinks a moment. "Violence that helps your
goals...and violence that hinders them. Many times, they can look very similar.
How do you make the differentiation between the two, make sure you're still...on
course?"
Xu Xian:
"Firstly...what are the goals?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"I'm speaking in a general sense. Let's say, in
this case, to protect someone."
Xu Xian:
"You can't be general without first being specific. The general is the
world around you. The specific is you. What is the mettle of your soul? What
purpose do you carry? What duty does your existence serve?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He considers. "Protect those who can't protect
themselves. Serve and defend the Goddess. Make this world better then I left
it."
Xu Xian:
'Those are platitudes, not purposes."
Xu Xian:
"No wonder you're so confused." He smirks, and takes another long drink
from his beer, pausing to draw in another puff of clove.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He looks at Xu, clearly...yes, confused.
"Platitudes. I'm sorry, I like to consider myself good with words, but I've
never heard that one before."
Xu Xian:
"A platitude is a boring, meaningless, and unoriginal remark. It is meant
to carry insipration and wisdom, but is basically hollow and...ineffective."
Xu Xian:
"The purpose of one kind of hammer is to pound nails. The purpose of
another, to beat metal into shapes. They have different qualities,
different...appearances. The purpose of sword, to fight. Tho some swords are
meant to kill, and others merely for sport. They are built in entirely different
ways to suit the intended purpose."
Xu Xian:
"You cannot use a blanket statement to define someone as unique,
as...gifted...as yourself."
Xu Xian:
(you getting any of that?))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
A light frown, as he regards the man, then he
thinks about it. "Gifted." He rethinks. "All right. I guess...my purpose is
to...defend."
Xu Xian:
"To defend what from whom. or what?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He frowns a little, thinking. He seems to be having
a difficult time with this. Explaining his purpose... "To defend...those who can
make a difference. From...the things who would persecute or destroy them for
trying to make such a difference."
Xu Xian:
"A difference in what way?"
Xu Xian:
((Fuck! I dropped the kb and lost the fucking
log!))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He takes a drag off of his cigarette. "Make a difference
that..." He starts to go into
a cliche, then stops, shaking his head. "Those who can make a difference
toward the greater good, by..."
He shrugs. "Whatever they do, Xu. Those that risk themselves in order to
effect change in a positive manner."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((Aw, man.
I've got what I've had since I was home, at least....))
Xu Xian:
"Define
positive."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"Peace.
...balance, I guess." A shrug from the man, as if he doesn't know quite how to explain
it.
Xu Xian:
"Balance
between what and what?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He rubs his eyes.
"Umm.
The duality of...everything, I guess. The word is built on duality. Good and evil. Male and female.
Yin and yang. Science and nature. Light and dark. I've always known that too much of one
thing was bad, and nothing is all one or all the other. There has to be a balance between
them."
Xu Xian:
"Do you
see why you've been so ineffective up to this point Jeremy? You can't even define your purpose
accurately. So how can you expect
to enact it, or even be able to identify what needs to be done in order to acheive it?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He nods a little.
"All right. Yes, I can see that. I can't say I've ever been exceptionally
focused or had much direction. And I'll have to admit, disturbing as it
is, I've never been more effective then when the Doctor gave me a
purpose." There's a bit of
resignation in him as he answers.
Xu Xian:
"It is
not Dream that everyone ignores and dismisses. It is your unwillingness to define
yourself accurately and honestly that hobbles Jeremy, and makes him so furious
and uncontrollable."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
His brow furrows as he listens
to the man's words. "All right.
You're right, I can't define myself. I really have problems figuring out who
I am."
Xu Xian:
He nods
taking a long drag from his clove. Considering.
Xu Xian: He exhles the smoke, sips some beer. "What do you think
will help to better define you?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns, still leaning against the cabin, as the impact of his
own words sink it. He doesn't know who he is. What his purpose is. He blinks a
moment. "I...my purpose." He shakes his head
a little. "Shit, Xu. I wish I knew. Everything I
said about my purpose...it feels right. What my purpose is. But I just...I
don't know."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What will help?" He takes a drag of the cigarette. "Coming to terms with myself. I don't know...finding
some thread that weaves it's way through my life. Your
purpose doesn't change, after all."
Xu Xian: He
doesn't say anything, simply stares at him, sipping more beer. Crushing out his clove.
Xu Xian: "It
does," he nods. "It can."
Xu Xian: "At
one time, my purpose was hunting down people like you. Enslaving
you."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: That takes him a bit back. "Well, that makes it nce and easy, then." He thinks a little bit. When Xu recounts his old purpose, he suddenly seems to
understand. His own purpose had, indeed, changed recently. "Well, then.
Have you always known yours?"
Xu Xian: He's
quiet, sittign still for a moment, that hollowness
moving back into his face. "No," he says softly, shaking his head.
"Not always."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sighs a little, a little at his own situation and a little at
the look that hits Xu's face. "How do you
re-find it?"
Xu Xian: "How
do I? Or how do you?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "How did you? How do I?" He shrugs. "I'm, as
you've no doubt guessed, treading uncharted waters for myself. I could use the proverbal life preserver."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Or a compass, rather. My nautical metaphors leave
something to be desired."
Xu Xian: "I
simply choose what I wish to die for. What I am willing to sacrifice my life to
acheive. And that...becomes my purpose."
Xu Xian: "And
then...when any situation arises...I look at it and think...'is this worth
dying for?' and if it's not...then I don't waste too much energy acheiving it."
Xu Xian: "Only
now...I'm finding I'm not allowed to die...and so...I'm faced with the question
of how one lives while dead?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "How one lives while dead?" He furrows his brow.
Xu Xian: "A
samurai is considered dead. Only after he has accepted this, can he truly
become the warrior he was meant to be, without fear of losing his life."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And that's where you're at."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Having to accept it, I mean."
Xu Xian: "No,
I accepted the fact that I was dead long ago. Unfortunately...people keep
bringing me back to life."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I can see how that would make things...confusing."
Xu Xian: He
nods. "And not only that, but the inconsiderate bastards expect me to
~live~ it."
Xu Xian: "But
we're not talking about me. WE're talking about
you...and your...lack of purpose."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He exhales smoke, watching Xu. "Yeah. We are. So, my purpose, or
lack thereof. I guess that's something I need to figure out. What is my
meaning? What would I give it all up for?"
Xu Xian: "I
can give you a purpose...but Ita
will no doubt hate me for it. And you might wind up doing so, as well."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns, not liking the sound of that. "And
hypothetically, this purpose would be...?"
Xu Xian: He
regards him flatly. "To serve me, and only me, until you have discovered
your own purpose, and in discovering it find the strength to throw off my
control."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He shakes his head. "No. I have...obligations in my life. Ones that I can't turn my back on." He looks at Xu, meeting his gaze. "I understand what you're saying
by that, and can I appreciate it. But I can't...turn my back, on the promises
I've made. It's a whole new thing I'm trying...holding to my promises."
Xu Xian: "What
promises are those?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"I told Andrew and Laidan that,
once my Ostracism was over, I would join them as part of a pack. Which I told
you of the night you took Micah, Ita,
and I on." He nods. "I promised Ita that I
would always be there for her, for anything she ever needed." There's a
brief pause, before he continues. "And...Liam asked something of me last
night. Something I fully intend to hold to. He asked me to protect and take
care of Alexis and her child." He keeps his eyes on Xu,
not wavering.
Xu Xian: "And
why do you believe service to me would threaten any of those?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I can't serve only you and serve a pack leader at the same
time, Xu. I can't serve only you and give my heart
and soul to Ita."
Xu Xian: "Then
how can you serve a pack and give your heart and soul to Ita. Surely you must realize this will make you ronin permanently? You will have to choose between her and your..people."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Not if she can be redeemed, Xu."
Xu Xian: "Jeremy,
it is a distant and...uncertain hope, that. And your
people are notoriously short-tempered and short-sighted."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And two of the three know about Ita. And they still want me there. The only one I
don't know about is Discard."
Xu Xian: "While
your pack may accept her as your mate, the Sept ~will not~."
Xu Xian: "So
either you will be declared Ronin, or you will drag
your entire pack into the same dishonor with you, since the Sept will not
accept your choice of mate."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I have faith in her, Xu. It may
take a long while, or it may be done in an instant. But it will happen. She
already smells less of the Wyrm then when I met
her."
Xu Xian: "If
your pack becomes Ronin...then they will serve me.
And there will be no conflict in your serving me, as they will be mine to
command as well." He says this with utter confidence and surety.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And if it comes to that, it will. But until then, we can
be careful. We can figure out ways to make it work." He nods. He's
obviously thought about this. "There's got to be a way. I don't believe
that this happened by accident. I think there was a reason, and I think it was
to bring her back. And I won't abandon her."
Xu Xian: 'Then
undrstand that if you choose her over your
people...you are choosing her. Over your people. Do
not delude yourself that because there is a treaty, any of the wolves will
stand by as one of their own mates with a vampire."
Xu Xian: "Even
if the curse is lifted from her and she becomes as a human...the city knows
what she was and you will not be accepted here as a full-fledged wolf."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What would you do, Xu?" He
watches him. "Not if it was Ita...if
it was Angelia, who was completely disgraced,
anathema to our kind. And you weren't. And the situation of
punishment were the same...but you knew you could bring her back. You
KNEW it. What would you do?"
Xu Xian: "I...an mot a wolf. I do not have the same...need...to be with my
own kind...as you do. And I quite think that I am in the same situation as you,
as the Courts have declared me ronin, as well. And Angelia risks her honor every time she speaks with me or
even acknowledges i exist."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And why would they turn their backs on a human? Ex-vampire
or not, if she's been redeemed, that's the Goddess's way. If the Goddess has
accepted her back into Her fold, how can the Garou say now?"
Xu Xian: "Because
they are Garou, Jeremy! Short-sighted, fractious
children who cannot focus on their own purpose because they are busy battling
amongst themselves for a fucking dominance they don't even own!"
Jeremy
"Dream" Thomas: "You're
in Ita's situation, then. Not Angelia's."
He sighs. "I know the Garou are everything
you've said. And I've lived without Septs before...if
I have to, then I have to. I won't force Andrew, Lai, and Dis
to accept this risk. But if they're willing to take the chance, I'll take it
with them."
Xu Xian: He
stares at him, something distant and guarded slowly coming over him, and he
nods. "Alright." He rises, carrying the rest
of the beer with him.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Xu, what you may not realize is, I've been alone, before
Xu Xian: He
heads for the steps down below. "Thanks for the ride."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns a little. "You're welcome. Am I not keeping you
from drinking yourself to death now?"
Xu Xian: "I'm
not part of your purpose. So you're free to go."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I didn't say you weren't part of my purpose, Xu. But I can't make you my sole, only purpose. I have
obligations that I won't turn away from. And I would still do anything for you,
besides turn my back on those obligations." He sighs. They've hit square
one, again. "And even iuf I'm free to go, I want
to make sure you're okay. Because I care."
Xu Xian: He
heads down the first few steps, one hand carrying the beers, the other on the
railing, then pauses to regard him. "This isn't all about you, Jeremy.
It's about me too. You will not do anything for me. You like to pretend you
will but you..." He shakes his head. "No where in anything you've
said tonight, have you indicated I'm anything more than a guilt that you wish
to assuage. You have no trust for me. You have no...real
care. But only the false sense of obligation one feels when one owes another
his life. And all ~that~ really is, is simply a fear of losing one's life
again, so the guilt is an excuse to remain with the person who will quite
possibly save you again. From your own stupidity. Again."
Xu Xian: "What
have these others done for you? What loyalties can you claim from them? Not one
defied the Elders at your hearing, or your punishment. Not ~one~ has cared for
you in your deepest isolation. But I have. I brought you Micah, and I brought
you Alexis, who you will now get to fucking care for a child with and have a
fucking ~family~ with...but you will go back to them. Because you made a
promise that they...in their stupid doggy brains...will likely have forgotten
by the time your month is through."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He looks at Xu. "If I didn't
trust you, I wouldn't have ever entered the car with you that night. I wouldn't
have ever accepted a position under you. And I certainly wouldn't have stayed
around after you beat me senseless." His jaw sets a little. "And as
for care...I don't know what I can do or say to prove this to you. But you're
wrong. All I can say, Xu, is that you're wrong."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
7,4,10,1,6,3,
Xu Xian: "So
fine, go back them. And find out what fair weather friends they are. And when
your fantasies have all dissolved...and if I am still alive, after battling the
~true~ evils of this world...then you can come back and beg forgiveness."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: That second paragraph stings him...obviously stings him deeply.
His eyes cast downward.
Xu Xian: He
stomps down the rest of the stairs and disappears below.
Jeremy
"Dream" Thomas: He
remains on the deck for a long, long time, looking out on the water. Thinking, considering, mulling over all the doubts in his head that
have suddenly resurfaced. They made no effort. They've already rejected him.
It's been three weeks, and nothing.
Xu Xian: He
throws the beer in the fridge and starts picking up his stinky clothes, balling
them up and throwing them into a mesh bag that hangs inside one of the closets.
Xu Xian: When
he's finished with that, he heads into a cabin and flops down on the bunk.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: The thoughts roll back and forth, through the various things
that pass through his head. His Osctracism.
Alexis. The letter. Micah. The house. Their non-contact. All of it. He can't seem to center himself. Why?
Xu Xian: He
lights a clove with the matches he picked up in whatever bar he can't recall
being in the night before, and exhales toward the ceiling, then takes another
pull, watching the cherry glow brighter and illuminate his knuckles.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He needs to know. Has to find someone to talk
to. He pulls out his cell phone, making a phone call. She's not
answering. So he remains on the boat top, alone with his thoughts, until the
dawn arrives.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: No. Wait. He needs to know something. He walks toward the
stairs, heading down. Not making an effort to hide the fact that he's coming
down.
Xu Xian: Fucking Los...Fucking cruel fucking bastard, to do this to me...
Xu Xian: "What?"
he asks, feeling the vibration of Jer's footsteps,
the slight movement of the boat with his weight.
Jeremy
"Dream" Thomas: He
approaches the cabin, standing in view of the man. "Pretend I agree with you
about the pack. For just a moment, pretend that. I still have obligations to Ita, and to Alexis and her child." He looks at Xu. "Why would Ita hate you
for doing this?"
Xu Xian: He
sighs, weary, and smokes his clove, watching the smoke lift lazily up toward
the cabin roof.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He waits, quietly, for the answer. Watching him, face entirely
conflicted.
Xu Xian: "Everybody
hates me, in the end," he says at last. "Because nobody like my means."
Xu Xian: He
sighs again, his voice tired, resigned. "Go back to them, Jeremy. I
can't...stomach this push-me pull-you routine of yours."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"She wouldn't agree with the things you would do, either to
me or the things you would have me do."
Xu Xian: "She
doesn't understand what I do."
Jeremy
"Dream" Thomas: A
sigh. "Xu...I don't know what to do. I feel
torn, both ways. Whether you believe it our not, I do care, and I know you have
my best interests at heart. I'm not trying to get you to do anything. I just
want to know how I can reconcile these things. I wouldn't enter into such a
thing lightly, because I realize a hint of what a commitment this would
entail."
Xu Xian: "I
don't want you anymore, Jeremy. I can't...handle this..." He hesitates, as
if he is really at a loss as to how to describe it.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"Can't handle what? My inablity to make a choice? My need
for your acceptance?
My
insincerity? Or my lack of trust?" He
looks at him, simply voicing what Xu has expressed to
him.
Xu Xian: "Yes."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Tell
me what I'm doing wrong, Xu. Because
if I do this with you, I'll do it with everyone else. And I don't want
to do that. Especially if I've fucked this up. I don't
want to lose any more friends."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sighs.
"I see."
Xu Xian: He takes another drag on hnis clove, then rolls his head
from side to side as he exhales. "I don't understand you people..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Us
people?"
Xu Xian: "I have fought, and bled,
and died to free you from the fucking algorithm. I fucking crashe car and took a fucking concussion to save you. I
fucking...dragged your sorry ass into a boat when I was fucking walking
dead....and got you healed. But I'm not a fucking dog, is that it? And because Ita can at least wear that
skin...she's good enough? Or is because she fucks you?"
Xu Xian: ((or is it..))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "That
has nothing to do with it." He keeps his eyes on Xu,
eyes narrowing a little. "And as far as I know, Ita can't 'wear that skin.' I am by far more grateful
to you then anyone I know. I respect you."
Xu Xian: "Is that it?" he
rolls on his side, glaring accusingly at Jer. "I
have to fuck you, and ~then~ maybe I'll mean half as much as ita, or micah,
or alexis?"
Xu Xian: 'She has fucking dog eyes,
Jeremy! She can turn into a wolf, just a dead one."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I
also care for you, and think of you as a friend. Someone I can admire. Look up
to. I want to help you, because you are a friend. Be around you, because of the
same. Learn from you, because I respect what you know, and would like to know
it myself. But Ita..." He shrugs. "Don't
ask me to explain love. I can't."
Xu Xian: "Whatever," he rolls
back onto his back. "I don't care. Go fuck yourself."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You
mean just as much to me as them. Just in a different way. This has nothing to
do with sex. And that...the eyes is a curse of her
kind, as she's told me. Every time she loses control, she looks less and less
human."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I
think of you differently then Micah and Ita, because
of the sex, partially, sure. But you're also a different person then them. The
relationships are different. Doesn't mean I feel any less for you then I do for
them."
Xu Xian: "Those are just words,
Jeremy. Words. They don't fucking mean shit. Your
actions make it clear you don't trust me, you dont'
really like me, and you only respect me because I can kick your fucking
ass."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Which
actions would those be, Xu? Which actions say I don't
trust you, which ones say I don't like you, and which ones say I don't respect
you beyond your combat skills?"
Xu Xian: "Which ones say you
do?" he asks pointedly.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I trust you because if I didn't, I wouldn't have
followed yu onto this boat, considering what happened
last night, whether you remember it or not. If I didn't trust you, I would have
nevere gotten on this nice, private setting. I also
trust you because I was willing to offer you my one weapon. Because I've told
you things about my infected period I haven't told Ita."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((haven't
even told Ita))
Xu Xian: "Would that be
the...bringing a fucking Shadowlord spy into my house
without even so much as warning me? Or the "Xu
can't possibly understand my love for Ita and
therefore i'll defend her from him, even tho he's never harmed her in the past except for when she
leapt at him from behind like a fucking retard'?"
Xu Xian: "You followed me here out
of guilt and because you're too fucking afriad of having
to go find a real job and somewhere to live that will be safe for you and your
fucking girlfriend."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I
like you because, despite the fact that you say things that hurt me to no end,
whatever your purpose, I still stay around. I'm still there to help you
whenever you need it. I like you because despute all
the shit, I've heard you say about Ita
in my presecne, I've never once attacked you for it,
as much as I wantd to."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Bullshit."
Xu Xian: "That's not like, jeremy, that's masochism."
Xu Xian: "Because you don't have
the fucking ~balls~ to attack me, even to defend your fucking mate."
Xu Xian: "You just try to talk me
to fuckign death, trying to find a courage you will
never have. Because you know you're a fucking coward."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I
respect you because again, I've told you things that I've told very few people
about. Things that I don't think I could ever have told anyone I didn't respect
to keep those things private. I respect you because I risked my life,
knowingly, to keep you from throwing yourself at 9 Spirtals
while drunk, even knowing that I had little chance of doing anything but
getting my ass handed to me."
Xu Xian: "Jeremy, you're a fucking
GAROU! You got your ass handed to you because you ~wanted~ me to beat
you."
Xu Xian: "And I could have taken
those fucking Spirals i would have been sober by the
time i got there."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Bullshit. I got my ass handed to me because I fight worth
shit, and I damn well know it. But I still had to make the effort. I didn't
shift because I know, quite well, how well-planned you are for that
eventuality."
Xu Xian: "You
had a fucking gun. You could have shot the motoer of
the boat. And you wouldn't have gotten hurt at all."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And those fucking Spirals may have died. But they may not
have. And I thought you'd have a better chance sober. So I risked my own
well-being, knowlngly, ir
order to stop you."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I know shit about boats. I don't know where the gas is, or
whether I'd hit it. I didn't know if you were armed, either, and with
what."
Xu Xian: "But
you blame me--You FEAR me--because you forced me to fucking almost kill you and
then give you mouth to mouth. IF THAT isn't fucking latent masochistic
homosexual drives, I don't know WHAT is."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I'll thank you to not call me a masochist. I don't
like pain, believe it or not."
Xu Xian: "You
~do~ like pain, Jeremy, just not the fucking physical kind. You like to feel
alienated and abandoned and hedged in and adrift."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Oh, Christ, Xu. You think I
~WANTED~ that? What, you think I enjoy the pain, like Micah? Believe me, I
don't. I made bad choices. I'm not exactly a strategist. I don't keep the
coolest head in combat. But believe me, what happened
is as far as I could have wanted it to go." He shakes his head.
Xu Xian: "Because
then, fucking soft-hearted do-gooders like Ita and Micah can come and fucking save you and
soothe your fuckign angst."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((as far as it can get from how I wanted it to go))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I trust, like, and respect you, because under no
condition did I have to tell you what happened last night. I could have made
like everything was fine, and I probably could have covered it up. I thought I
could once again be riksing death. But I did it
anyway, because you deserve to know the truth about the events in your
life."
Xu Xian: 5,3,8,7,3,8,9,
Xu Xian: 8,9,9,3,7,9,4,7,
Xu Xian: He
rolls off the bed and advaces toward Jer, his expression inscrutable.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He remains there, not moving. Watching him.
Xu Xian: For
those who can read the body language, however, he's prepping for a grapple.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Per+Brawl?))
Xu Xian: 9(sure))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
10,4,4,5,6,
Xu Xian: (init,
or is jer not resisting?))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He sees it coming, and he's screwed no matter what he does.
Dodge, and he's afraid of him, he doesn't trust him. Stay there, and he's a
masochist. So he tries to turn the grapple into one of his own, fighting back.
Xu Xian: 8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
7,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((12))
Xu Xian: ((14))
Xu Xian: 1,2,1,2,8,3,5,
Xu Xian: ((LOL
he botches))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rolling Dex+Brawl to try and reverse
the grapple. WP Spent))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
3,2,2,5,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Yay, WP!))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
6,4,
Xu Xian: He
grunts as he trips over a rug on the floor and is wide open for Jer to throw a grapple on him back. He tries to break the
hold.
Xu Xian: 9,9,5,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
2,4,8,7,6,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((ACK! Wrong pool, obviously))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
1,1,
Xu Xian: And
breaks Jer's wrist doing it?
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Sure. *G*)) He gives a strangled sound of pain as he hears the
bones in his wrist snap.
Xu Xian: ((meaning
that sounds to me like a good outcome for 3 sux vs. a
double botch...but if you think it's unfair, throw another idea out0)
Xu Xian: He
follows through to hip check jer and throw him onto
the floor.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((No, that makes perfect sense.))
Xu Xian: 8,2,8,4,4,3,7,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He doesn't resist, going to the floor. He can regroup maybe this
way.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: When he hits the ground, he tries to roll away from Xu, back up to his feet.
Xu Xian: He
throws Jer face down on the floor and then lands with
both knees in the small of JEr's back.
Xu Xian: 8,3,8,2,7,3,7,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
1,4,5,
Xu Xian: 8,8,4,7,2,6,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((BAD die roller...))
Xu Xian: ((5
bashing))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
4,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((How much damage you figure for the wrist?))
Xu Xian: ((I
dunno..2 lethal?))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((Sounds fine.))
Xu Xian: ((So Jer takes 4 basshing roll for stun))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
7,6,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rage Pt. Spend to ignored being stunned.))
Xu Xian: He
keeps his weight on jer, and grabs his injured wrist.
Xu Xian: 8,9,8,6,4,8,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He
tries, desperately, to twist out of his grasp, but fails. ((Not evern rolling. He has 1 die.))
Xu Xian: Then
slams it into a manacle that is hooked into the baseboard of the bed.
Xu Xian: With
that wrist secure, he grabs the other one.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps
as the wrist is slammed into the manacle, eyes rolling back in his head a bit
as he tries to center himself from the pain.
Xu Xian: 1,1,8,8,8,4,4,
Xu Xian: ((You
rolling dodge for that?))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 1,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((God,
this is not Jer's day.))
Xu Xian: He
slams that one into a manacle, then spins around, driving his kneecaps into jer's kidneys as he does so. (rolling
dex+torture)
Xu Xian: 9,6,1,4,6,3,3,1,
Xu Xian: ((so
it doesn't hurt all that much. *G* And quit throwing your 1 kooties
my way, i don't want 'em0)
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
5,
Xu Xian: He
grabs for Jer's right leg.
Xu Xian: 5,5,8,10,6,7,7,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((That was in case I got a dodge...not sure how fast he was held
by the manacles, if he could shift left or right.))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He tries to pull away, but yeah. Right.
Xu Xian: And
slams that one in the secure leg iron, then reaches for the last leg.
Xu Xian: 2,2,10,6,3,7,8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: One last, feeble attempt to get away. No such luck.
Xu Xian: And
locks that up. Then he rises off of Jer, standing
over him, breathing hard. He reaches into the closet and pulls something out of
it. Being face down on the floor and spread eagled, Jer
isn't sure what he's doing, but then he feels the cold metal against the skin
on the inside of his belt
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's tense beyond all belief, shaking in pain, eyes squeezed
shut. He bites down hard on his lower lip, anticipating.
Xu Xian: He
sloowwwly slips off jer's
belt if he's wearing it, and then the knife siices
through the fabric of his pants.
Xu Xian: "This
is what rape is Jeremy..." he says, voice distant, far away as the cold
blade slides againt his skin, peels the fabrick away.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Fuck fuck fuck
shit fuck Goddess fuck...
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
9,3,9,3,9,2,
Xu Xian: "This...helplessness...this
fury and despair you're feeling...the sense of..." He finishes cutting the
pants and draws them away, exposing jer's bare ass.
He touches the flat of the blade to the side of Jer's
cheek. "Violation."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He bites down so hard, his lip is
punctured, and starts to bleed. Tears start to rll
down his cheeks, and he shakes his head. Not happening. It's not happening...
Xu Xian: His
hand slides down Jer's asscheek,
brushes the back of his balls. "Have you ever been raped before, jeremy?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His head shakes, deliberately, in answer.
Xu Xian: "Do
you want to be raped now?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Once more, he shakes his head, tasting copper in his mouth as
his teeth make clean contact through his lip.
Xu Xian: "Sure
you do. You didn't shift. You didn't use your rage to get away from me. You
didn't really fight me at all, did you?" Jer feels
the cold metal of the blade against his balls. "You don't really want
these, do you?"
Xu Xian: ((and
i hated to do this to you but I have to jet for about
15 minutes to take somethign to the mechanic)
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I thought...more lik...kill
me...Crinos...Glabro..."
He's incredibly afraid, speaking though his tears. "More lik....me to...lose cont...c-control..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Go ahead, man. I will wait. *S*))
Xu Xian: He
laughs at that. A cruel, evil laugh. "Well, you
lost all control now, didn't you?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
8,2,2,7,2,9,
Xu Xian: "I
never told you how much I hate that lip biting fucking habit, did I?" He
says conversationally. "Fucking Pikey with her gypo leech lip chewing..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Stop it." He grits his teeth, through the pain, and
the fear, and the anguish.
Xu Xian: "Did
Ita tell you I once said how nice it would be to flay
her?"
Xu Xian: he runs the blade up along Jer's
spine, setting the tip at the base of his neck. "I can do you, if you
like?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Leave her out of this." He says it even as he tries
in vain to get away from the knife blade.
Xu Xian: "Is
that yes? or a no?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "NO." He tries to get away from it, again.
Xu Xian: He
laughs, and pulls the blade away, laying his torso onto of jer's,
his lips brushing against the helpless man's. The non-knife hand strokes along
his flank, down to cup the curve of his buttock. "Do you regret trusting
me, now? Do you regret ever knowing me?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "No."
Xu Xian: "Well
then," he says with almost a manic brightness. "I'm not trying hard
enough."
Xu Xian: He
reaches up between Jer's legs, feeling for his cock.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "No matter...what you do. I won't. ...regret knowing
you." His eyes are squeezed shut. "Because you made
me...a better person."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His entire lower body is rock-solid with tension as he feels Xu hand reach for him.
Xu Xian: He
snorts, tugging Jer's cock back so that it's pointing
toward his feet. "You're not a person. You're a fucking slave, Jeremy. A
person doesn't let himself be raped by someone he could have walked away
from."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps with pain as his cock is yanked downward, unable to
speak for a moment.
Xu Xian: ((He
didn't yank but tugged, not quite as forceful as a yank, but maybe he gets a
bit of rugburn from it?))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Okay. DLP)) He winces as his cock is tugged downward. "A
person doesn't always realize what's about to happen before it does."
Xu Xian: He
pulls back to kneel. Jer can hear a drawer open, then
hear the sound of gloves snapping on
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He closes his eyes. One last shot. He goes to shift into Lupus,
to escape the chains. Maybe Xu won't rape a wolf.
Xu Xian: And
then he feels a pressure against his anus, a latex gloved finger working it's
way inside, searching out that little pleasure spot.
Xu Xian: ((You
need to shift through all the forms to get to lupus, just so youk know.))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Is there ANY give to the manacles at all?))
Xu Xian: (Not
much, maybe a few inches.0)
Xu Xian: Jer
shifts, and, to his horror, he finds the manacles shift with him. Xu chuckles.
"This was Roosthorn's boat, you shit for brains.
He used to torture Malcolm here."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Shit, shit, fuck, dammit... At least he's stating to heal some
in....no. He shifts back to Homid. He remembers what
he heard, in a dream.
Xu Xian: His
gloved fingers slides across Jer's
prostate, sending those little thrills of pleasure through him.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Yes, it's humuliating, violating in
the extreme, and brutal. He can't help but have to suppress a shudder at that
sensation, though.
Xu Xian: "You
like that, don't you...in spite of everything else...you like it..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You're hitting....erogenous...zones. And you know it.
Anyone gets...pleasure from those...spots, no matter what." The words are
said through gritted teeth.
Xu Xian: "Yes,"
he agress, and slips a second finger in.
Xu Xian: 10,7,6,5,1,6,2,4,
Xu Xian: ((Dex+torture, specialty psychological, undetectable, rerolling 10))
Xu Xian: 8,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "So..uhn...don't...say
I want...this. Body's...reaction to it. Not...my choice."
Xu Xian: He
seems to know exactly where and how to massage that little pleasure button to
bring maximum pleasure and arousal out of Jer.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He writhes against Xu's fingers, jaw
clenched, fully aroused and hating it, even as his body reacts involuntarily to
it.
Xu Xian: "No.
You don't want your body's reaction to it." He's smug. Amused.
Gloating almost. "That's what makes it
rape."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Know...the definition. Thanks...g-g-g..."
Xu Xian: Jer also
finds that with his cock turned down like that, he's maddeningly unable to get
fully hard.
Xu Xian: He
slips a third finger in, continuing the massage.
Xu Xian: 10,6,8,6,3,7,7,5,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Unnnhhhh..." He wants to
pull away, but he can't, obviously. He tries to focus and center himself. Tries to take his mind away from the. Tries
to escape. Useless.
Xu Xian: "So
now you can't escape from it, Jeremy. You finally get a taste of what Miach's had from the time he was little. The
fear. The humiliation. The...ambivalence.
Can you see how he'd confuse this...awesome pain...for something like
love?"
Xu Xian: "And
I notice...that tho you might have struggled a
bit...you really haven't asked me to stop, once I put my fingers up
there..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Of...uh..." He swallows hard "Of course I... do..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Why...waste breath..."
Xu Xian: "Of
course you what?"
Xu Xian: 8,9,9,4,8,4,1,3,
Xu Xian: "What
do you want, Jeremy? Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to let you cum?
Do you want me to let you go, send you out the door and never see you
again?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "See...confusion." He focuses his mind to try and get
a coherant thought out. "Is that what...you're
trying to do? Get me to confuse this...with love?"
Xu Xian: "Do
you want to do this to me? Rape me? Make me powerless and gasping under your
hand?"
Xu Xian: "No,
Jeremy, I wan't you to fucking stop intellectualizing
and find the fuckign truth of yourself so you'll
fucking quit talking me to death."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
5,9,3,7,6,5,
Xu Xian: ((12
total sux on the torture roll, so far. *G*))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps. "Goddess...fuck...how
the fuck...am I gone to find out the truth...like this?"
Xu Xian: "God,
you're hopeless," he rips his hand out of Jer's
ass unceremoniously.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He falls limp there, gasping for breath. "Dammit, Xu. You want me to
answer? Yes, I wanted yu to fuck me. Yes, I wanted
you to let me fucking cum. And yes, somewhere inside, I wanted that same
fucking power over you. Now what the fuck is the point??" He's practically
screaming, as best he can, in as much pain as he's in.
Xu Xian: He
moves around in the cupboard behind Jer, so Jer can't see what he's doing. "But you don't want me
to stop?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Fuck..." He sobs on the floor, trying to curl up but,
of course, not. "I don't know, all right? Yes I do, and no, I don't!"
Xu Xian: "Why
do you want me to stop? And why don't you?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I want you to stop because it's humiliating and violating
and I would let you do this if you hadn't forced me. I want you to because it
feels good." His voice is slightly muffled and off, his mouth partially
pressed against the floor as he just lies there.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Second I want you to = I don't want you to stop))
Xu Xian: "But
where would be the fun in that for me? Getting your
permission first." He tsks. "You
people never consider my needs..."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Hammh Hammh."
It's said in an almost casual tone now, as he starts to enter a numbness similar to the machine he was calibrated on.
Xu Xian: "And
truthfully, anyway..doesn't
part of you want to be humiliated and violated? Because, as much as you want to
rationalize it, there's really no fuckign way, ifyou were COMMITTED to escaping me...that you woldn't be able to."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Sounds like it's supposed to be "Ha Ha."
Damn floor muffling.
Xu Xian: "At
least if you'd done so before I slapped you in irons."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's quiet, just laying on the floor.
Hearing the words, but not really listening.
Xu Xian: "But
see...this is your problem all along. You haven't committed, really to anything.
Or anyone. Even yourself. The
closest you've gotten is ITa,
but we'll see how you do a few months fron now when
the honeymoon's over and you realize how much of a millstone she is socially
for you."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Fuck you." It's said in a dead even town. That it
provoked a response at all says something.
Xu Xian: There's
a snapping off of gloves, the sound of him washing up in the sink, and then
more gloves. He moves over to stand by Jeremy's head, knewling
down by his broken wrist.
Xu Xian: 5,6,3,6,8,
Xu Xian: With
a quick, painful ~snap~ he sets the bones in the wrist.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: A grunted whimper comes from him. Not much else.
Xu Xian: "Shift.
Heal yourself."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rage spent)) He shifts up to Glabro,
letting his body heal.
Xu Xian: He
waits until all of Jeremy's injuries are gone, and then says, in a very curt,
matter of fact voice. "Wha do
you want, Jeremy?"
Xu Xian: "And
why, after everything that's passed between us...are you still afraid I won't
give it to you?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"I...want your help. I want
help...dealing with this. With this...wall I can't bring down between my parts
of myself."
Xu Xian: "And
what do I get out of it? What do I get for my effort, my sacrifice?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What..." He breathes in, raggedly, then back out.
"What do you want?"
Xu Xian: 6,
Xu Xian: 7,3,7,6,2,2,
Xu Xian: There's
the distinct swishing sound of a whip, and it snaps just beside Jer's right ear. "It doesn't matter," he says in
the resounding silence afterward, as he lazily draws the cool leather across Jer's naked back.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, shivering as the whip slides
over his back.
Xu Xian: "You
won't give it to me anyway."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What is it?" He gives his voice at a regular decibel,
though it does tremor a little.
Xu Xian: He
rustles around in the cabinet, then Jer hears the
*click* of it closing. suddenly, the manacles and leg
irons pop open.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls his arms and legs inward, rolling onto his side.
Slowly, he looks up to Xu.
Xu Xian: He
just stares at him with that same inscrutable expression he had when he
started. "You can leae now. I'm through with
you. Pack up your things and get out of my house."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls himself, slowly, to his knees, then to his feet. He
looks at Xu, blankly, then
turns to walk out, almost shambling a little.
Xu Xian: 'You
might want to get dressed first."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a little, and goes to pick up his pants. That have been sliced down the back. He frowns, lightly, and
slides them, on, using the belt so that it at least pretends to cover his ass. Shoes. Shirt. Trench
coat. And he begins to leave.
Xu Xian: his
pants and shirt are shredded, they won't work as
clothing for him.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Fine. Just the trench coat and shoes, which he
ties at the waist. He's a zombie flasher, now. Great.
He shrugs a little, heading up the stairs and over to move off the deck.
Xu Xian: "Christ,"
he snorts, shaking his head. "You won't even fucking ask for
clothes."
Xu Xian: "You
won't fight for yourself. You won't commit to anything."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
5,4,6,10,5,10,
Xu Xian: He
yanks him down the stairs by the collar, dragging him off balance.
Xu Xian: 9,5,4,3,5,6,3,
Xu Xian: 3,5,5,9,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stops, outside, and casually pulls the gun out, slowly
sliding the clip in. With a slow, deliberate motion, he attempts to cock it in
a way as to not make it too loud.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((DLP))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He lets himself be yanked down the stairs, giving a grunt as he
does.
Xu Xian: He
drags him over to the bed, sitting him down on it, then turning away to throw
open a hatch and draw some clothing out of it.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His expression is totally blank as he waits for Xu to hand him clothes.
Xu Xian: He
hands him some sweats, a shirt
Xu Xian: 4,2,8,9,7,5,
Xu Xian: ((per+emp))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stands up, pulling off the trench and shrugging himself into
the shirt. Off come the shows, on go the sweats, and on go the shoes.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian:
((There is nothing going on upstairs at
the moment. Pretty well suicidal/homicidal right now, emotions completely shut
down.))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian:
((More homi
then sui))
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He picks up the trenchcoat and puts it
on, slowly sliding it up onto his shoulders.
Xu Xian: He
frowns, not liking what he sees in the man. "Tell me...what you want. Right now."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He looks at Xu, blinking twice. "To kill you. And then maybe die."
Xu Xian: "Why?"
Xu Xian: "Why
is that better, than touching the truth about yourself?"
Xu Xian: "Believe
me, Jeremy," he says earnestly, his expression softening. "I have
seen--I have ~been~ things far more reprehensible than you could ever approach.
And I will keep your secrets to the grave. So what...is at the root of
this?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Because you deserve to die, and it's what you want."
As if it's that simple. "And I have no place to go, anymore. And I don't
want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore and cause
them pain. I don't want to entertain ideas from Micah of ever doing...that...to
him. I don't want to torture Lex with the feeling of
closeness and love, but squelched desires. I don't want Ita to have to be reminded that I have a child in my
life that she dare not see, even as much as she wants to. I don't want to feel
nothing and know it. I want to feel nothing and not care."
Xu Xian: "You
have no place to go because you will not COMMIT to being there. You will not
fight for what you want. You don't even have the temerity to ask for what you
need."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I don't want to be alone, afraid to be close to people. I
don't want to constantly live in fear that my Sept doesn't give a shit about
me, they'll let me be tortured in a Spiral Hive for bullshit reasons and accuse
my friends of corruption, or sell me out. I don't want friends that don't care
enough about me to answer one fucking letter, that
would make me humiliate myself and destroy any self-worth I have left..."
He chuckles, hollowly, at that. "...in order to accept me as a pack
member. I don't want to wonder each day why my birth parents were kept a secret
from me, even after I knew what I was. I don't want to let people down anymore.
Don't want to fuck it all up. I don't want to wonder why I am what I am, if it
was all a cosmic joke, because I happened to go on a hallucinagenic
trip at 19 at just the right instant to go through my First Change. If the fact that I am Garou is just
happenstance, some nothing coincidence."
Xu Xian: "So
that's what you don't want. Why won't you say what you do?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I want to belong. I want to be part of something. I want
to be in control of my life. I want a purpose."
Xu Xian: "Then
why do you refuse to take it?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stares at Xu a long moment,
blankly, patting himself down for a cigarette. He finds them in the inside
pocket, and goes to reach for one. "Because
I don't want to fuck it up."
Xu Xian: "What's
the worst that can happen?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Everyone I care about goes away."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls the cigarette pack out, extracting the lighter and a
cigarette, slowly lighting the thing.
Xu Xian: 'And...?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And...they're gone." He
gives a half-hearted shrug. "And they don't get to be around anymore. And
it's just...me."
Xu Xian: "So?
There some rule that says you can't find other people to love?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: I looks at the man, nodding a little.
"Yes. Inside. Because I...can't
do that to anyone else. Can't subject them to
my...curse."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((I=He.))
Xu Xian: "Your
curse?" He sound amused.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Everyone I love dies, or goes on a downward spiral. Tori to drugs.
Dorian to a Septmate.
Xu Xian: "Me?"
he prods
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You'd rather drink yourself to death, go out in a blaze of
gunfire against Spirals, or just brutalize people...to help them, maybe, but
also in the hopes that they'll leave, then actually live."
Xu Xian: He
tilts his head as if not arguing with that. "Has it ever occured to you that you are not cursed, you simply pick
dysfunctional friends, because you feel hurt and abandoned by your birth
parents and betrayed by your former Sept?"
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He falls silent, considering that theory. He give
a very slow nod. "It's...possible, I guess. I suppose."
Xu Xian: "And
yes, I admit I'm...I live rather on the edge...especially lately. But...I'm
still fighting. It may not seem that way but..." he shrugs. "You have
no idea how fucked up I was this time last year. I'm light years ahead of that.
And light years ahead of the year before."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He listens, looking at Xu with that
vaguely blank stare. He nods. "Maybe.
I'll.....take your word for it. Okay." He nods once more, as if accepting
it.
Xu Xian: 6,7,8,9,9,2,
Xu Xian: (per+empathy)
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian:
He's still incredibly emotionally numb.
He probably shut himself down during the rape. He's not on kill or die mode now, though.
Xu Xian: He
issues a weary sigh, and looks skyward, as if gathering his courage for the
next step here.
Xu Xian: 8,6,5,5,8,10,7,
Xu Xian: He
rises, holding a hand out to him. "Give me your keys."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls out his keys, and holds them out to him.
Xu Xian: He
takes htem and then takes Jer's
hand, as if he's a little kid. "Come on, Let's
get you home."
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods and stands up, following Xu.
Xu Xian: hE
bundles him up in the car and drives him out to the
Xu Xian: 6,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's quiet the whole way there, though he does smile a tiny bit
as he sees the house.
Xu Xian: It takes an enormous application of will, but he
enters teh house with jeremy, and leads him upstairs to teh
master bedroom.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: And up, up, up he goes.
Xu Xian: "Take
your clothes off," he says, closing and locking the door.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
2,8,8,2,9,1,
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods, pulling off the trenchcoat
and then the rest of his clothing, leaving it on a pile by the floor.
Xu Xian: He
rolls his eyes. "Fold it," he says in a very parental chide.
Xu Xian: He
moves into the bathroom and starts the water in the big, walk-in, multi-headed
shower stall big enough to park a horse in.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: With a slightly apologetic look, he picks up the clothes,
folding them and setting them aside.
Xu Xian: He
comes back out and grabs Jer's hand, leading him into
the shower stall and pushing him under the warm water. He himself is fully
clothed in his boating shirt and cargo shorts, having kicked off his docksiders.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sits in the warm water, at least having the presence of mind
to wash himself.
Xu Xian: ((it's
not a tub, it's a shower. *G*)) As soon as Jer's
under the water, he picks up a washcloth and soaps it up, applying long, almost
painful but definitely stimulating strokes across Jer's
back.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((I meant stand. :P))
Xu Xian: The
rough nap of the cloth, and the pressure he applies has a massaging quality to
it. And he does it methodically, slowly, with the rough sort of gentleness one migh expect from a Cat with her kittens.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stands there, back muscles relaxing as they get worked out.
His shoulders slump a little bit, allowed to know that
the mnuscles are relaxed enough.
Xu Xian: He
pushes him against the wall gently, to help steady him. and
starts down at his feet, 'licking' up each calf to the thigh, and then up over
the buttocks and hips. There is a tension to him, and
a certain degree of fear in his eyes, which he does his best to mask by
remaining behind Jer.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: As Xu goes on,
Dream becomes more and more relaxed, until he actually has to but a hand
against the wall to support himself. He leans his head down, pressing his
forehead against the wall.
Xu Xian: He
then moves up the back to Jer's shoulders and arms,
then to his neck, ears and head.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He takes a breathe in, allowing Xu to
finish the back of his head, before he starts to take a gently deep breath.*
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Before breathing it out slowly))
Xu Xian: "Turn
around," he says, motioning with the washcloth. His voice is muddy, but mayb that's cause his chin is against his chest as he looks
down at Jer's feet.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods and turns around, to face Xu.
His own eyes are lowered and off to the side, hands vaguely covering himself.
Xu Xian: 8,3,5,5,4,2,10,
Xu Xian: He
takes a few deep breaths and starts on the tops of his feet, moving up the legs
in that same, soothing methodical way. He moves up each thigh, then onto the
hips and belly, avoiding the area Jer's got cupped in
his hands.
Xu Xian: "Mera is the lifeblood of the city he says," as he
starts to falter halfway up Jer's torso. "She is
in every faucet, every bathtub, every sink and pipe in
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He just stands there, staring at the tile to his left, lettiong Xu finish.
Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a littl to Xu's
words, swallowing hard. His voice, when it comes out, is a little hoarse.
"I...remember Mera."
Xu Xian: "So
long as you can feel her caress on your skin, you will know, that you are never
alone, never abandoned, never unloved."