Xu Xian: "The imbalance was the savage desire for retribution--which is the dark face of the pacifist, in case you didn't know--and this desire for retribution and humiliation of the aggressor in the first war...is what caused the humilated and impoverished people of Germany to crave the strength of the Tyrant....and not the King."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a litle. "True enough."

Xu
Xian:
"It's also what caused them to...believe that the abusive Tyrant was...a proper King."

Xu
Xian:
"Now...a man of Peace...would have understood...and anticipated these...imbalances. And he would have fought, tooth and nail, to see that the dark side of the pacifist did not prevail, regardless of how weak, insane, or corrupt that might make him appear. He would use every tool at his disposal--even fear, even torture--to ensure that the greater good was served."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He listens, frowning. Once again, he is accepting the logic, though he seems to have difficulty liking it.

Xu
Xian:
"The pacifist...pacifys. He submits to the desires of those who cry and moan and complain the most."

Xu
Xian:
"He lets himself be suckled and soothes the immature. And believes that he is a martyr for this. But it is merely a lie. An illusion he tells himself because he wishes to be thought of as a man of Peace, but he lacks the moral courage and the insight with which to act like one."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sighs a little bit. "All right. I'll admit, many anti-war movements would have benefitted from someone a little more...active-thinking then your average hippy." He smirks a little bit. "Do you believe, though, that violence begets violence, and to destroy something just brings on more destruction in it's wake, even with the best of intentions?"

Xu
Xian:
"Violence is life. Life is violence."

Xu
Xian:
"You cannot exist without doing violence to others. To the grain you eat, to the animals you feed upon, to the earth you rend and tear to build your fences and your cities."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "So how do you know...proper violence from improper violence? After a certain point, I'd imagine one's moral compass gets a bit off of North."

Xu
Xian:
"You come into the world doing violence, rending your mother apart, kicking and screaming and covered gore..." He takes a long drink of his beer, eyes going unfocused, sadness in his gaze.

Xu
Xian:
((covered in gore))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Xu?" He watches the man, his eyes taking a concerned look for the other.

Xu
Xian:
He draws in a deep breath and pulls himself back from wherever he's mentally wandered off to. "There is no way to be perfect. No way to predict all outcomes, or to...prepare for all eventualities. One must assess the situation...and do the best one can in the circumstances."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Of course. But that's not exactly what I asked."

Xu
Xian:
"Well, then...rephrase it? And I'll see if I can answer it."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He thinks a moment. "Violence that helps your goals...and violence that hinders them. Many times, they can look very similar. How do you make the differentiation between the two, make sure you're still...on course?"

Xu
Xian:
"Firstly...what are the goals?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I'm speaking in a general sense. Let's say, in this case, to protect someone."

Xu
Xian:
"You can't be general without first being specific. The general is the world around you. The specific is you. What is the mettle of your soul? What purpose do you carry? What duty does your existence serve?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He considers. "Protect those who can't protect themselves. Serve and defend the Goddess. Make this world better then I left it."

Xu
Xian:
'Those are platitudes, not purposes."

Xu
Xian:
"No wonder you're so confused." He smirks, and takes another long drink from his beer, pausing to draw in another puff of clove.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He looks at Xu, clearly...yes, confused. "Platitudes. I'm sorry, I like to consider myself good with words, but I've never heard that one before."

Xu
Xian:
"A platitude is a boring, meaningless, and unoriginal remark. It is meant to carry insipration and wisdom, but is basically hollow and...ineffective."

Xu
Xian:
"The purpose of one kind of hammer is to pound nails. The purpose of another, to beat metal into shapes. They have different qualities, different...appearances. The purpose of sword, to fight. Tho some swords are meant to kill, and others merely for sport. They are built in entirely different ways to suit the intended purpose."

Xu
Xian:
"You cannot use a blanket statement to define someone as unique, as...gifted...as yourself."

Xu
Xian:
(you getting any of that?))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: A light frown, as he regards the man, then he thinks about it. "Gifted." He rethinks. "All right. I guess...my purpose is to...defend."

Xu Xian: "To defend what from whom. or what?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns a little, thinking. He seems to be having a difficult time with this. Explaining his purpose... "To defend...those who can make a difference. From...the things who would persecute or destroy them for trying to make such a difference."

Xu
Xian:
"A difference in what way?"

Xu Xian: ((Fuck!  I dropped the kb and lost the fucking log!))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He takes a drag off of his cigarette.  "Make a difference that..."  He starts to go into a cliche, then stops, shaking his head.  "Those who can make a difference toward the greater good, by..."  He shrugs.  "Whatever they do, Xu.  Those that risk themselves in order to effect change in a positive manner."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Aw, man.  I've got what I've had since I was home, at least....))

Xu Xian: "Define positive."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Peace.  ...balance, I guess."  A shrug from the man, as if he doesn't know quite how to explain it.

Xu Xian: "Balance between what and what?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He rubs his eyes.  "Umm.  The duality of...everything, I guess.  The word is built on duality.  Good and evil.  Male and female.  Yin and yang.  Science and nature.  Light and dark.  I've always known that too much of one thing was bad, and nothing is all one or all the other.  There has to be a balance between them."

Xu Xian: "Do you see why you've been so ineffective up to this point Jeremy?  You can't even define your purpose accurately.  So how can you expect to enact it, or even be able to identify what needs to be done in order to acheive it?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a little.  "All right.  Yes, I can see that.  I can't say I've ever been exceptionally focused or had much direction.  And I'll have to admit, disturbing as it is, I've never been more effective then when the Doctor gave me a purpose."  There's a bit of resignation in him as he answers.

Xu Xian: "It is not Dream that everyone ignores and dismisses.  It is your unwillingness to define yourself accurately and honestly that hobbles Jeremy, and makes him so furious and uncontrollable."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His brow furrows as he listens to the man's words.  "All right.  You're right, I can't define myself.  I really have problems figuring out who I am."

Xu Xian: He nods taking a long drag from his clove.  Considering.

Xu Xian: He exhles the smoke, sips some beer. "What do you think will help to better define you?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns, still leaning against the cabin, as the impact of his own words sink it. He doesn't know who he is. What his purpose is. He blinks a moment. "I...my purpose." He shakes his head a little. "Shit, Xu. I wish I knew. Everything I said about my purpose...it feels right. What my purpose is. But I just...I don't know."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What will help?" He takes a drag of the cigarette. "Coming to terms with myself. I don't know...finding some thread that weaves it's way through my life. Your purpose doesn't change, after all."

Xu Xian: He doesn't say anything, simply stares at him, sipping more beer. Crushing out his clove.

Xu Xian: "It does," he nods. "It can."

Xu Xian: "At one time, my purpose was hunting down people like you. Enslaving you."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: That takes him a bit back. "Well, that makes it nce and easy, then." He thinks a little bit. When Xu recounts his old purpose, he suddenly seems to understand. His own purpose had, indeed, changed recently. "Well, then. Have you always known yours?"

Xu Xian: He's quiet, sittign still for a moment, that hollowness moving back into his face. "No," he says softly, shaking his head. "Not always."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sighs a little, a little at his own situation and a little at the look that hits Xu's face. "How do you re-find it?"

Xu Xian: "How do I? Or how do you?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "How did you? How do I?" He shrugs. "I'm, as you've no doubt guessed, treading uncharted waters for myself. I could use the proverbal life preserver."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Or a compass, rather. My nautical metaphors leave something to be desired."

Xu Xian: "I simply choose what I wish to die for. What I am willing to sacrifice my life to acheive. And that...becomes my purpose."

Xu Xian: "And then...when any situation arises...I look at it and think...'is this worth dying for?' and if it's not...then I don't waste too much energy acheiving it."

Xu Xian: "Only now...I'm finding I'm not allowed to die...and so...I'm faced with the question of how one lives while dead?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "How one lives while dead?" He furrows his brow.

Xu Xian: "A samurai is considered dead. Only after he has accepted this, can he truly become the warrior he was meant to be, without fear of losing his life."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And that's where you're at."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Having to accept it, I mean."

Xu Xian: "No, I accepted the fact that I was dead long ago. Unfortunately...people keep bringing me back to life."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I can see how that would make things...confusing."

Xu Xian: He nods. "And not only that, but the inconsiderate bastards expect me to ~live~ it."

Xu Xian: "But we're not talking about me. WE're talking about you...and your...lack of purpose."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He exhales smoke, watching Xu. "Yeah. We are. So, my purpose, or lack thereof. I guess that's something I need to figure out. What is my meaning? What would I give it all up for?"

Xu Xian: "I can give you a purpose...but Ita will no doubt hate me for it. And you might wind up doing so, as well."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns, not liking the sound of that. "And hypothetically, this purpose would be...?"

Xu Xian: He regards him flatly. "To serve me, and only me, until you have discovered your own purpose, and in discovering it find the strength to throw off my control."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He shakes his head. "No. I have...obligations in my life. Ones that I can't turn my back on." He looks at Xu, meeting his gaze. "I understand what you're saying by that, and can I appreciate it. But I can't...turn my back, on the promises I've made. It's a whole new thing I'm trying...holding to my promises."

Xu Xian: "What promises are those?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
"I told Andrew and Laidan that, once my Ostracism was over, I would join them as part of a pack. Which I told you of the night you took Micah, Ita, and I on." He nods. "I promised Ita that I would always be there for her, for anything she ever needed." There's a brief pause, before he continues. "And...Liam asked something of me last night. Something I fully intend to hold to. He asked me to protect and take care of Alexis and her child." He keeps his eyes on Xu, not wavering.

Xu Xian: "And why do you believe service to me would threaten any of those?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I can't serve only you and serve a pack leader at the same time, Xu. I can't serve only you and give my heart and soul to Ita."

Xu Xian: "Then how can you serve a pack and give your heart and soul to Ita. Surely you must realize this will make you ronin permanently? You will have to choose between her and your..people."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Not if she can be redeemed, Xu."

Xu Xian: "Jeremy, it is a distant and...uncertain hope, that. And your people are notoriously short-tempered and short-sighted."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And two of the three know about Ita. And they still want me there. The only one I don't know about is Discard."

Xu Xian: "While your pack may accept her as your mate, the Sept ~will not~."

Xu Xian: "So either you will be declared Ronin, or you will drag your entire pack into the same dishonor with you, since the Sept will not accept your choice of mate."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I have faith in her, Xu. It may take a long while, or it may be done in an instant. But it will happen. She already smells less of the Wyrm then when I met her."

Xu Xian: "If your pack becomes Ronin...then they will serve me. And there will be no conflict in your serving me, as they will be mine to command as well." He says this with utter confidence and surety.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And if it comes to that, it will. But until then, we can be careful. We can figure out ways to make it work." He nods. He's obviously thought about this. "There's got to be a way. I don't believe that this happened by accident. I think there was a reason, and I think it was to bring her back. And I won't abandon her."

Xu Xian: 'Then undrstand that if you choose her over your people...you are choosing her. Over your people. Do not delude yourself that because there is a treaty, any of the wolves will stand by as one of their own mates with a vampire."

Xu Xian: "Even if the curse is lifted from her and she becomes as a human...the city knows what she was and you will not be accepted here as a full-fledged wolf."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What would you do, Xu?" He watches him. "Not if it was Ita...if it was Angelia, who was completely disgraced, anathema to our kind. And you weren't. And the situation of punishment were the same...but you knew you could bring her back. You KNEW it. What would you do?"

Xu Xian: "I...an mot a wolf. I do not have the same...need...to be with my own kind...as you do. And I quite think that I am in the same situation as you, as the Courts have declared me ronin, as well. And Angelia risks her honor every time she speaks with me or even acknowledges i exist."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And why would they turn their backs on a human? Ex-vampire or not, if she's been redeemed, that's the Goddess's way. If the Goddess has accepted her back into Her fold, how can the Garou say now?"

Xu Xian: "Because they are Garou, Jeremy! Short-sighted, fractious children who cannot focus on their own purpose because they are busy battling amongst themselves for a fucking dominance they don't even own!"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You're in Ita's situation, then. Not Angelia's." He sighs. "I know the Garou are everything you've said. And I've lived without Septs before...if I have to, then I have to. I won't force Andrew, Lai, and Dis to accept this risk. But if they're willing to take the chance, I'll take it with them."

Xu Xian: He stares at him, something distant and guarded slowly coming over him, and he nods. "Alright." He rises, carrying the rest of the beer with him.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Xu, what you may not realize is, I've been alone, before New York, for years. Minus a highly abusive, hideously corrupt Sept in the midwest, I've been by myself since I left Portland. It's not easy, but I can do it. And what did I say to cause you to look at me like that?"

Xu Xian: He heads for the steps down below. "Thanks for the ride."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He frowns a little. "You're welcome. Am I not keeping you from drinking yourself to death now?"

Xu Xian: "I'm not part of your purpose. So you're free to go."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I didn't say you weren't part of my purpose, Xu. But I can't make you my sole, only purpose. I have obligations that I won't turn away from. And I would still do anything for you, besides turn my back on those obligations." He sighs. They've hit square one, again. "And even iuf I'm free to go, I want to make sure you're okay. Because I care."

Xu Xian: He heads down the first few steps, one hand carrying the beers, the other on the railing, then pauses to regard him. "This isn't all about you, Jeremy. It's about me too. You will not do anything for me. You like to pretend you will but you..." He shakes his head. "No where in anything you've said tonight, have you indicated I'm anything more than a guilt that you wish to assuage. You have no trust for me. You have no...real care. But only the false sense of obligation one feels when one owes another his life. And all ~that~ really is, is simply a fear of losing one's life again, so the guilt is an excuse to remain with the person who will quite possibly save you again. From your own stupidity. Again."

Xu Xian: "What have these others done for you? What loyalties can you claim from them? Not one defied the Elders at your hearing, or your punishment. Not ~one~ has cared for you in your deepest isolation. But I have. I brought you Micah, and I brought you Alexis, who you will now get to fucking care for a child with and have a fucking ~family~ with...but you will go back to them. Because you made a promise that they...in their stupid doggy brains...will likely have forgotten by the time your month is through."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He looks at Xu. "If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have ever entered the car with you that night. I wouldn't have ever accepted a position under you. And I certainly wouldn't have stayed around after you beat me senseless." His jaw sets a little. "And as for care...I don't know what I can do or say to prove this to you. But you're wrong. All I can say, Xu, is that you're wrong."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 7,4,10,1,6,3,

Xu Xian: "So fine, go back them. And find out what fair weather friends they are. And when your fantasies have all dissolved...and if I am still alive, after battling the ~true~ evils of this world...then you can come back and beg forgiveness."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: That second paragraph stings him...obviously stings him deeply. His eyes cast downward.

Xu Xian: He stomps down the rest of the stairs and disappears below.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He remains on the deck for a long, long time, looking out on the water. Thinking, considering, mulling over all the doubts in his head that have suddenly resurfaced. They made no effort. They've already rejected him. It's been three weeks, and nothing.

Xu Xian: He throws the beer in the fridge and starts picking up his stinky clothes, balling them up and throwing them into a mesh bag that hangs inside one of the closets.

Xu Xian: When he's finished with that, he heads into a cabin and flops down on the bunk.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: The thoughts roll back and forth, through the various things that pass through his head. His Osctracism. Alexis. The letter. Micah. The house. Their non-contact. All of it. He can't seem to center himself. Why?

Xu Xian: He lights a clove with the matches he picked up in whatever bar he can't recall being in the night before, and exhales toward the ceiling, then takes another pull, watching the cherry glow brighter and illuminate his knuckles.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He needs to know. Has to find someone to talk to. He pulls out his cell phone, making a phone call. She's not answering. So he remains on the boat top, alone with his thoughts, until the dawn arrives.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: No. Wait. He needs to know something. He walks toward the stairs, heading down. Not making an effort to hide the fact that he's coming down.

Xu Xian: Fucking Los...Fucking cruel fucking bastard, to do this to me...

Xu Xian: "What?" he asks, feeling the vibration of Jer's footsteps, the slight movement of the boat with his weight.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He approaches the cabin, standing in view of the man. "Pretend I agree with you about the pack. For just a moment, pretend that. I still have obligations to Ita, and to Alexis and her child." He looks at Xu. "Why would Ita hate you for doing this?"

Xu Xian: He sighs, weary, and smokes his clove, watching the smoke lift lazily up toward the cabin roof.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He waits, quietly, for the answer. Watching him, face entirely conflicted.

Xu Xian: "Everybody hates me, in the end," he says at last. "Because nobody like my means."

Xu Xian: He sighs again, his voice tired, resigned. "Go back to them, Jeremy. I can't...stomach this push-me pull-you routine of yours."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "She wouldn't agree with the things you would do, either to me or the things you would have me do."

Xu Xian: "She doesn't understand what I do."

 

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: A sigh. "Xu...I don't know what to do. I feel torn, both ways. Whether you believe it our not, I do care, and I know you have my best interests at heart. I'm not trying to get you to do anything. I just want to know how I can reconcile these things. I wouldn't enter into such a thing lightly, because I realize a hint of what a commitment this would entail."

Xu Xian: "I don't want you anymore, Jeremy. I can't...handle this..." He hesitates, as if he is really at a loss as to how to describe it.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Can't handle what? My inablity to make a choice? My need for your acceptance? My insincerity? Or my lack of trust?" He looks at him, simply voicing what Xu has expressed to him.

Xu Xian: "Yes."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Tell me what I'm doing wrong, Xu. Because if I do this with you, I'll do it with everyone else. And I don't want to do that. Especially if I've fucked this up. I don't want to lose any more friends."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sighs. "I see."

Xu Xian: He takes another drag on hnis clove, then rolls his head from side to side as he exhales. "I don't understand you people..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Us people?"

Xu Xian: "I have fought, and bled, and died to free you from the fucking algorithm. I fucking crashe car and took a fucking concussion to save you. I fucking...dragged your sorry ass into a boat when I was fucking walking dead....and got you healed. But I'm not a fucking dog, is that it? And because Ita can at least wear that skin...she's good enough? Or is because she fucks you?"

Xu Xian: ((or is it..))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "That has nothing to do with it." He keeps his eyes on Xu, eyes narrowing a little. "And as far as I know, Ita can't 'wear that skin.' I am by far more grateful to you then anyone I know. I respect you."

Xu Xian: "Is that it?" he rolls on his side, glaring accusingly at Jer. "I have to fuck you, and ~then~ maybe I'll mean half as much as ita, or micah, or alexis?"

Xu Xian: 'She has fucking dog eyes, Jeremy! She can turn into a wolf, just a dead one."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I also care for you, and think of you as a friend. Someone I can admire. Look up to. I want to help you, because you are a friend. Be around you, because of the same. Learn from you, because I respect what you know, and would like to know it myself. But Ita..." He shrugs. "Don't ask me to explain love. I can't."

Xu Xian: "Whatever," he rolls back onto his back. "I don't care. Go fuck yourself."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You mean just as much to me as them. Just in a different way. This has nothing to do with sex. And that...the eyes is a curse of her kind, as she's told me. Every time she loses control, she looks less and less human."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I think of you differently then Micah and Ita, because of the sex, partially, sure. But you're also a different person then them. The relationships are different. Doesn't mean I feel any less for you then I do for them."

Xu Xian: "Those are just words, Jeremy. Words. They don't fucking mean shit. Your actions make it clear you don't trust me, you dont' really like me, and you only respect me because I can kick your fucking ass."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Which actions would those be, Xu? Which actions say I don't trust you, which ones say I don't like you, and which ones say I don't respect you beyond your combat skills?"

Xu Xian: "Which ones say you do?" he asks pointedly.

 

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I trust you because if I didn't, I wouldn't have followed yu onto this boat, considering what happened last night, whether you remember it or not. If I didn't trust you, I would have nevere gotten on this nice, private setting. I also trust you because I was willing to offer you my one weapon. Because I've told you things about my infected period I haven't told Ita."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((haven't even told Ita))

Xu Xian: "Would that be the...bringing a fucking Shadowlord spy into my house without even so much as warning me? Or the "Xu can't possibly understand my love for Ita and therefore i'll defend her from him, even tho he's never harmed her in the past except for when she leapt at him from behind like a fucking retard'?"

Xu Xian: "You followed me here out of guilt and because you're too fucking afriad of having to go find a real job and somewhere to live that will be safe for you and your fucking girlfriend."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I like you because, despite the fact that you say things that hurt me to no end, whatever your purpose, I still stay around. I'm still there to help you whenever you need it. I like you because despute all the shit, I've heard you say about Ita in my presecne, I've never once attacked you for it, as much as I wantd to."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Bullshit."

Xu Xian: "That's not like, jeremy, that's masochism."

Xu Xian: "Because you don't have the fucking ~balls~ to attack me, even to defend your fucking mate."

Xu Xian: "You just try to talk me to fuckign death, trying to find a courage you will never have. Because you know you're a fucking coward."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I respect you because again, I've told you things that I've told very few people about. Things that I don't think I could ever have told anyone I didn't respect to keep those things private. I respect you because I risked my life, knowingly, to keep you from throwing yourself at 9 Spirtals while drunk, even knowing that I had little chance of doing anything but getting my ass handed to me."

Xu Xian: "Jeremy, you're a fucking GAROU! You got your ass handed to you because you ~wanted~ me to beat you."

Xu Xian: "And I could have taken those fucking Spirals i would have been sober by the time i got there."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Bullshit. I got my ass handed to me because I fight worth shit, and I damn well know it. But I still had to make the effort. I didn't shift because I know, quite well, how well-planned you are for that eventuality."

Xu Xian: "You had a fucking gun. You could have shot the motoer of the boat. And you wouldn't have gotten hurt at all."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And those fucking Spirals may have died. But they may not have. And I thought you'd have a better chance sober. So I risked my own well-being, knowlngly, ir order to stop you."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I know shit about boats. I don't know where the gas is, or whether I'd hit it. I didn't know if you were armed, either, and with what."

Xu Xian: "But you blame me--You FEAR me--because you forced me to fucking almost kill you and then give you mouth to mouth. IF THAT isn't fucking latent masochistic homosexual drives, I don't know WHAT is."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I'll thank you to not call me a masochist. I don't like pain, believe it or not."

Xu Xian: "You ~do~ like pain, Jeremy, just not the fucking physical kind. You like to feel alienated and abandoned and hedged in and adrift."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Oh, Christ, Xu. You think I ~WANTED~ that? What, you think I enjoy the pain, like Micah? Believe me, I don't. I made bad choices. I'm not exactly a strategist. I don't keep the coolest head in combat. But believe me, what happened is as far as I could have wanted it to go." He shakes his head.

Xu Xian: "Because then, fucking soft-hearted do-gooders like Ita and Micah can come and fucking save you and soothe your fuckign angst."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((as far as it can get from how I wanted it to go))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And I trust, like, and respect you, because under no condition did I have to tell you what happened last night. I could have made like everything was fine, and I probably could have covered it up. I thought I could once again be riksing death. But I did it anyway, because you deserve to know the truth about the events in your life."

Xu Xian: 5,3,8,7,3,8,9,

Xu Xian: 8,9,9,3,7,9,4,7,

Xu Xian: He rolls off the bed and advaces toward Jer, his expression inscrutable.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He remains there, not moving. Watching him.

Xu Xian: For those who can read the body language, however, he's prepping for a grapple.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Per+Brawl?))

Xu Xian: 9(sure))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 10,4,4,5,6,

Xu Xian: (init, or is jer not resisting?))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
He sees it coming, and he's screwed no matter what he does. Dodge, and he's afraid of him, he doesn't trust him. Stay there, and he's a masochist. So he tries to turn the grapple into one of his own, fighting back.

 


Xu Xian: 8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 7,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((12))

 

Xu Xian: ((14))

Xu Xian: 1,2,1,2,8,3,5,

Xu Xian: ((LOL he botches))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rolling Dex+Brawl to try and reverse the grapple. WP Spent))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 3,2,2,5,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Yay, WP!))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 6,4,

Xu Xian: He grunts as he trips over a rug on the floor and is wide open for Jer to throw a grapple on him back. He tries to break the hold.

Xu Xian: 9,9,5,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 2,4,8,7,6,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((ACK! Wrong pool, obviously))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 1,1,

Xu Xian: And breaks Jer's wrist doing it?

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Sure. *G*)) He gives a strangled sound of pain as he hears the bones in his wrist snap.

Xu Xian: ((meaning that sounds to me like a good outcome for 3 sux vs. a double botch...but if you think it's unfair, throw another idea out0)

Xu Xian: He follows through to hip check jer and throw him onto the floor.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((No, that makes perfect sense.))

Xu Xian: 8,2,8,4,4,3,7,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He doesn't resist, going to the floor. He can regroup maybe this way.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: When he hits the ground, he tries to roll away from Xu, back up to his feet.

Xu Xian: He throws Jer face down on the floor and then lands with both knees in the small of JEr's back.

Xu Xian: 8,3,8,2,7,3,7,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 1,4,5,

Xu Xian: 8,8,4,7,2,6,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((BAD die roller...))

Xu Xian: ((5 bashing))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 4,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((How much damage you figure for the wrist?))

Xu Xian: ((I dunno..2 lethal?))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((Sounds fine.))

 

Xu Xian: ((So Jer takes 4 basshing roll for stun))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 7,6,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rage Pt. Spend to ignored being stunned.))

Xu Xian: He keeps his weight on jer, and grabs his injured wrist.

Xu Xian: 8,9,8,6,4,8,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He tries, desperately, to twist out of his grasp, but fails. ((Not evern rolling. He has 1 die.))

Xu Xian: Then slams it into a manacle that is hooked into the baseboard of the bed.

Xu Xian: With that wrist secure, he grabs the other one.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps as the wrist is slammed into the manacle, eyes rolling back in his head a bit as he tries to center himself from the pain.

Xu Xian: 1,1,8,8,8,4,4,

Xu Xian: ((You rolling dodge for that?))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 1,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((God, this is not Jer's day.))

Xu Xian: He slams that one into a manacle, then spins around, driving his kneecaps into jer's kidneys as he does so. (rolling dex+torture)

Xu Xian: 9,6,1,4,6,3,3,1,

Xu Xian: ((so it doesn't hurt all that much. *G* And quit throwing your 1 kooties my way, i don't want 'em0)

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 5,

Xu Xian: He grabs for Jer's right leg.

Xu Xian: 5,5,8,10,6,7,7,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas:
((That was in case I got a dodge...not sure how fast he was held by the manacles, if he could shift left or right.))

 

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He tries to pull away, but yeah. Right.

Xu Xian: And slams that one in the secure leg iron, then reaches for the last leg.

Xu Xian: 2,2,10,6,3,7,8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: One last, feeble attempt to get away. No such luck.

Xu Xian: And locks that up. Then he rises off of Jer, standing over him, breathing hard. He reaches into the closet and pulls something out of it. Being face down on the floor and spread eagled, Jer isn't sure what he's doing, but then he feels the cold metal against the skin on the inside of his belt

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's tense beyond all belief, shaking in pain, eyes squeezed shut. He bites down hard on his lower lip, anticipating.

Xu Xian: He sloowwwly slips off jer's belt if he's wearing it, and then the knife siices through the fabric of his pants.

Xu Xian: "This is what rape is Jeremy..." he says, voice distant, far away as the cold blade slides againt his skin, peels the fabrick away.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck Goddess fuck...

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 9,3,9,3,9,2,

Xu Xian: "This...helplessness...this fury and despair you're feeling...the sense of..." He finishes cutting the pants and draws them away, exposing jer's bare ass. He touches the flat of the blade to the side of Jer's cheek. "Violation."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He bites down so hard, his lip is punctured, and starts to bleed. Tears start to rll down his cheeks, and he shakes his head. Not happening. It's not happening...

Xu Xian: His hand slides down Jer's asscheek, brushes the back of his balls. "Have you ever been raped before, jeremy?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His head shakes, deliberately, in answer.

Xu Xian: "Do you want to be raped now?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Once more, he shakes his head, tasting copper in his mouth as his teeth make clean contact through his lip.

Xu Xian: "Sure you do. You didn't shift. You didn't use your rage to get away from me. You didn't really fight me at all, did you?" Jer feels the cold metal of the blade against his balls. "You don't really want these, do you?"

Xu Xian: ((and i hated to do this to you but I have to jet for about 15 minutes to take somethign to the mechanic)

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I thought...more lik...kill me...Crinos...Glabro..." He's incredibly afraid, speaking though his tears. "More lik....me to...lose cont...c-control..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Go ahead, man. I will wait. *S*))

Xu Xian: He laughs at that. A cruel, evil laugh. "Well, you lost all control now, didn't you?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 8,2,2,7,2,9,

Xu Xian: "I never told you how much I hate that lip biting fucking habit, did I?" He says conversationally. "Fucking Pikey with her gypo leech lip chewing..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Stop it." He grits his teeth, through the pain, and the fear, and the anguish.

Xu Xian: "Did Ita tell you I once said how nice it would be to flay her?"

 

Xu Xian: he runs the blade up along Jer's spine, setting the tip at the base of his neck. "I can do you, if you like?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Leave her out of this." He says it even as he tries in vain to get away from the knife blade.

Xu Xian: "Is that yes? or a no?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "NO." He tries to get away from it, again.

Xu Xian: He laughs, and pulls the blade away, laying his torso onto of jer's, his lips brushing against the helpless man's. The non-knife hand strokes along his flank, down to cup the curve of his buttock. "Do you regret trusting me, now? Do you regret ever knowing me?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "No."

Xu Xian: "Well then," he says with almost a manic brightness. "I'm not trying hard enough."

Xu Xian: He reaches up between Jer's legs, feeling for his cock.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "No matter...what you do. I won't. ...regret knowing you." His eyes are squeezed shut. "Because you made me...a better person."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His entire lower body is rock-solid with tension as he feels Xu hand reach for him.

Xu Xian: He snorts, tugging Jer's cock back so that it's pointing toward his feet. "You're not a person. You're a fucking slave, Jeremy. A person doesn't let himself be raped by someone he could have walked away from."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps with pain as his cock is yanked downward, unable to speak for a moment.

Xu Xian: ((He didn't yank but tugged, not quite as forceful as a yank, but maybe he gets a bit of rugburn from it?))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Okay. DLP)) He winces as his cock is tugged downward. "A person doesn't always realize what's about to happen before it does."

Xu Xian: He pulls back to kneel. Jer can hear a drawer open, then hear the sound of gloves snapping on

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He closes his eyes. One last shot. He goes to shift into Lupus, to escape the chains. Maybe Xu won't rape a wolf.

Xu Xian: And then he feels a pressure against his anus, a latex gloved finger working it's way inside, searching out that little pleasure spot.

Xu Xian: ((You need to shift through all the forms to get to lupus, just so youk know.))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Is there ANY give to the manacles at all?))

Xu Xian: (Not much, maybe a few inches.0)

 

 


Xu Xian: Jer shifts, and, to his horror, he finds the manacles shift with him. Xu chuckles. "This was Roosthorn's boat, you shit for brains. He used to torture Malcolm here."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Shit, shit, fuck, dammit... At least he's stating to heal some in....no. He shifts back to Homid. He remembers what he heard, in a dream.

Xu Xian: His gloved fingers slides across Jer's prostate, sending those little thrills of pleasure through him.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Yes, it's humuliating, violating in the extreme, and brutal. He can't help but have to suppress a shudder at that sensation, though.

Xu Xian: "You like that, don't you...in spite of everything else...you like it..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You're hitting....erogenous...zones. And you know it. Anyone gets...pleasure from those...spots, no matter what." The words are said through gritted teeth.

Xu Xian: "Yes," he agress, and slips a second finger in.

Xu Xian: 10,7,6,5,1,6,2,4,

Xu Xian: ((Dex+torture, specialty psychological, undetectable, rerolling 10))

Xu Xian: 8,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "So..uhn...don't...say I want...this. Body's...reaction to it. Not...my choice."

Xu Xian: He seems to know exactly where and how to massage that little pleasure button to bring maximum pleasure and arousal out of Jer.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He writhes against Xu's fingers, jaw clenched, fully aroused and hating it, even as his body reacts involuntarily to it.

Xu Xian: "No. You don't want your body's reaction to it." He's smug. Amused. Gloating almost. "That's what makes it rape."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Know...the definition. Thanks...g-g-g..."

Xu Xian: Jer also finds that with his cock turned down like that, he's maddeningly unable to get fully hard.

Xu Xian: He slips a third finger in, continuing the massage.

Xu Xian: 10,6,8,6,3,7,7,5,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Unnnhhhh..." He wants to pull away, but he can't, obviously. He tries to focus and center himself. Tries to take his mind away from the. Tries to escape. Useless.

Xu Xian: "So now you can't escape from it, Jeremy. You finally get a taste of what Miach's had from the time he was little. The fear. The humiliation. The...ambivalence. Can you see how he'd confuse this...awesome pain...for something like love?"

Xu Xian: "And I notice...that tho you might have struggled a bit...you really haven't asked me to stop, once I put my fingers up there..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Of...uh..." He swallows hard "Of course I... do..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Why...waste breath..."

Xu Xian: "Of course you what?"

Xu Xian: 8,9,9,4,8,4,1,3,


Xu Xian: "What do you want, Jeremy? Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to let you cum? Do you want me to let you go, send you out the door and never see you again?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "See...confusion." He focuses his mind to try and get a coherant thought out. "Is that what...you're trying to do? Get me to confuse this...with love?"

Xu Xian: "Do you want to do this to me? Rape me? Make me powerless and gasping under your hand?"

Xu Xian: "No, Jeremy, I wan't you to fucking stop intellectualizing and find the fuckign truth of yourself so you'll fucking quit talking me to death."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 5,9,3,7,6,5,

Xu Xian: ((12 total sux on the torture roll, so far. *G*))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He gasps. "Goddess...fuck...how the fuck...am I gone to find out the truth...like this?"

Xu Xian: "God, you're hopeless," he rips his hand out of Jer's ass unceremoniously.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He falls limp there, gasping for breath. "Dammit, Xu. You want me to answer? Yes, I wanted yu to fuck me. Yes, I wanted you to let me fucking cum. And yes, somewhere inside, I wanted that same fucking power over you. Now what the fuck is the point??" He's practically screaming, as best he can, in as much pain as he's in.

Xu Xian: He moves around in the cupboard behind Jer, so Jer can't see what he's doing. "But you don't want me to stop?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Fuck..." He sobs on the floor, trying to curl up but, of course, not. "I don't know, all right? Yes I do, and no, I don't!"

Xu Xian: "Why do you want me to stop? And why don't you?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I want you to stop because it's humiliating and violating and I would let you do this if you hadn't forced me. I want you to because it feels good." His voice is slightly muffled and off, his mouth partially pressed against the floor as he just lies there.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Second I want you to = I don't want you to stop))

Xu Xian: "But where would be the fun in that for me? Getting your permission first." He tsks. "You people never consider my needs..."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Hammh Hammh." It's said in an almost casual tone now, as he starts to enter a numbness similar to the machine he was calibrated on.

Xu Xian: "And truthfully, anyway..doesn't part of you want to be humiliated and violated? Because, as much as you want to rationalize it, there's really no fuckign way, ifyou were COMMITTED to escaping me...that you woldn't be able to."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Sounds like it's supposed to be "Ha Ha." Damn floor muffling.

Xu Xian: "At least if you'd done so before I slapped you in irons."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's quiet, just laying on the floor. Hearing the words, but not really listening.

Xu Xian: "But see...this is your problem all along. You haven't committed, really to anything. Or anyone. Even yourself. The closest you've gotten is ITa, but we'll see how you do a few months fron now when the honeymoon's over and you realize how much of a millstone she is socially for you."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Fuck you." It's said in a dead even town. That it provoked a response at all says something.

Xu Xian: There's a snapping off of gloves, the sound of him washing up in the sink, and then more gloves. He moves over to stand by Jeremy's head, knewling down by his broken wrist.

Xu Xian: 5,6,3,6,8,

Xu Xian: With a quick, painful ~snap~ he sets the bones in the wrist.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: A grunted whimper comes from him. Not much else.

Xu Xian: "Shift. Heal yourself."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Rage spent)) He shifts up to Glabro, letting his body heal.

Xu Xian: He waits until all of Jeremy's injuries are gone, and then says, in a very curt, matter of fact voice. "Wha do you want, Jeremy?"

Xu Xian: "And why, after everything that's passed between us...are you still afraid I won't give it to you?"

 

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I...want your help. I want help...dealing with this. With this...wall I can't bring down between my parts of myself."

Xu Xian: "And what do I get out of it? What do I get for my effort, my sacrifice?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What..." He breathes in, raggedly, then back out. "What do you want?"

Xu Xian: 6,

Xu Xian: 7,3,7,6,2,2,

Xu Xian: There's the distinct swishing sound of a whip, and it snaps just beside Jer's right ear. "It doesn't matter," he says in the resounding silence afterward, as he lazily draws the cool leather across Jer's naked back.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, shivering as the whip slides over his back.

Xu Xian: "You won't give it to me anyway."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "What is it?" He gives his voice at a regular decibel, though it does tremor a little.

Xu Xian: He rustles around in the cabinet, then Jer hears the *click* of it closing. suddenly, the manacles and leg irons pop open.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls his arms and legs inward, rolling onto his side. Slowly, he looks up to Xu.

Xu Xian: He just stares at him with that same inscrutable expression he had when he started. "You can leae now. I'm through with you. Pack up your things and get out of my house."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls himself, slowly, to his knees, then to his feet. He looks at Xu, blankly, then turns to walk out, almost shambling a little.

Xu Xian: 'You might want to get dressed first."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a little, and goes to pick up his pants. That have been sliced down the back. He frowns, lightly, and slides them, on, using the belt so that it at least pretends to cover his ass. Shoes. Shirt. Trench coat. And he begins to leave.

Xu Xian: his pants and shirt are shredded, they won't work as clothing for him.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: Fine. Just the trench coat and shoes, which he ties at the waist. He's a zombie flasher, now. Great. He shrugs a little, heading up the stairs and over to move off the deck.

Xu Xian: "Christ," he snorts, shaking his head. "You won't even fucking ask for clothes."

Xu Xian: "You won't fight for yourself. You won't commit to anything."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 5,4,6,10,5,10,

Xu Xian: He yanks him down the stairs by the collar, dragging him off balance.

Xu Xian: 9,5,4,3,5,6,3,

Xu Xian: 3,5,5,9,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stops, outside, and casually pulls the gun out, slowly sliding the clip in. With a slow, deliberate motion, he attempts to cock it in a way as to not make it too loud.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((DLP))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He lets himself be yanked down the stairs, giving a grunt as he does.

Xu Xian: He drags him over to the bed, sitting him down on it, then turning away to throw open a hatch and draw some clothing out of it.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: His expression is totally blank as he waits for Xu to hand him clothes.

Xu Xian: He hands him some sweats, a shirt

Xu Xian: 4,2,8,9,7,5,

Xu Xian: ((per+emp))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stands up, pulling off the trench and shrugging himself into the shirt. Off come the shows, on go the sweats, and on go the shoes.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian: ((There is nothing going on upstairs at the moment. Pretty well suicidal/homicidal right now, emotions completely shut down.))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian: ((More homi then sui))

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He picks up the trenchcoat and puts it on, slowly sliding it up onto his shoulders.

Xu Xian: He frowns, not liking what he sees in the man. "Tell me...what you want. Right now."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He looks at Xu, blinking twice. "To kill you. And then maybe die."

Xu Xian: "Why?"

Xu Xian: "Why is that better, than touching the truth about yourself?"

Xu Xian: "Believe me, Jeremy," he says earnestly, his expression softening. "I have seen--I have ~been~ things far more reprehensible than you could ever approach. And I will keep your secrets to the grave. So what...is at the root of this?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Because you deserve to die, and it's what you want." As if it's that simple. "And I have no place to go, anymore. And I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore and cause them pain. I don't want to entertain ideas from Micah of ever doing...that...to him. I don't want to torture Lex with the feeling of closeness and love, but squelched desires. I don't want Ita to have to be reminded that I have a child in my life that she dare not see, even as much as she wants to. I don't want to feel nothing and know it. I want to feel nothing and not care."

Xu Xian: "You have no place to go because you will not COMMIT to being there. You will not fight for what you want. You don't even have the temerity to ask for what you need."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I don't want to be alone, afraid to be close to people. I don't want to constantly live in fear that my Sept doesn't give a shit about me, they'll let me be tortured in a Spiral Hive for bullshit reasons and accuse my friends of corruption, or sell me out. I don't want friends that don't care enough about me to answer one fucking letter, that would make me humiliate myself and destroy any self-worth I have left..." He chuckles, hollowly, at that. "...in order to accept me as a pack member. I don't want to wonder each day why my birth parents were kept a secret from me, even after I knew what I was. I don't want to let people down anymore. Don't want to fuck it all up. I don't want to wonder why I am what I am, if it was all a cosmic joke, because I happened to go on a hallucinagenic trip at 19 at just the right instant to go through my First Change. If the fact that I am Garou is just happenstance, some nothing coincidence."

Xu Xian: "So that's what you don't want. Why won't you say what you do?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "I want to belong. I want to be part of something. I want to be in control of my life. I want a purpose."

Xu Xian: "Then why do you refuse to take it?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stares at Xu a long moment, blankly, patting himself down for a cigarette. He finds them in the inside pocket, and goes to reach for one. "Because I don't want to fuck it up."

Xu Xian: "What's the worst that can happen?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Everyone I care about goes away."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls the cigarette pack out, extracting the lighter and a cigarette, slowly lighting the thing.

Xu Xian: 'And...?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "And...they're gone." He gives a half-hearted shrug. "And they don't get to be around anymore. And it's just...me."

Xu Xian: "So? There some rule that says you can't find other people to love?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: I looks at the man, nodding a little. "Yes. Inside. Because I...can't do that to anyone else. Can't subject them to my...curse."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((I=He.))

Xu Xian: "Your curse?" He sound amused.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "Everyone I love dies, or goes on a downward spiral. Tori to drugs. Dorian to a Septmate. Crystal to false accusations. My parents, I never knew. My adoptive parents, I left, and my dad died. The Body was decimated and broken up. Ita's a vampire. Alexis is ostracized for good. You..." He shrugs a little.

Xu Xian: "Me?" he prods

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: "You'd rather drink yourself to death, go out in a blaze of gunfire against Spirals, or just brutalize people...to help them, maybe, but also in the hopes that they'll leave, then actually live."

Xu Xian: He tilts his head as if not arguing with that. "Has it ever occured to you that you are not cursed, you simply pick dysfunctional friends, because you feel hurt and abandoned by your birth parents and betrayed by your former Sept?"

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He falls silent, considering that theory. He give a very slow nod. "It's...possible, I guess. I suppose."

Xu Xian: "And yes, I admit I'm...I live rather on the edge...especially lately. But...I'm still fighting. It may not seem that way but..." he shrugs. "You have no idea how fucked up I was this time last year. I'm light years ahead of that. And light years ahead of the year before."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He listens, looking at Xu with that vaguely blank stare. He nods. "Maybe. I'll.....take your word for it. Okay." He nods once more, as if accepting it.

Xu Xian: 6,7,8,9,9,2,

Xu Xian: (per+empathy)

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas -> Xu Xian: He's still incredibly emotionally numb. He probably shut himself down during the rape. He's not on kill or die mode now, though.

Xu Xian: He issues a weary sigh, and looks skyward, as if gathering his courage for the next step here.

Xu Xian: 8,6,5,5,8,10,7,

Xu Xian: He rises, holding a hand out to him. "Give me your keys."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He pulls out his keys, and holds them out to him.

Xu Xian: He takes htem and then takes Jer's hand, as if he's a little kid. "Come on, Let's get you home."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods and stands up, following Xu.

Xu Xian: hE bundles him up in the car and drives him out to the Staten Island house, jaw pulsing when they arrive there.

Xu Xian: 6,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He's quiet the whole way there, though he does smile a tiny bit as he sees the house.

 

Xu Xian: It takes an enormous application of will, but he enters teh house with jeremy, and leads him upstairs to teh master bedroom.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: And up, up, up he goes.

Xu Xian: "Take your clothes off," he says, closing and locking the door.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: 2,8,8,2,9,1,

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods, pulling off the trenchcoat and then the rest of his clothing, leaving it on a pile by the floor.

Xu Xian: He rolls his eyes. "Fold it," he says in a very parental chide.

Xu Xian: He moves into the bathroom and starts the water in the big, walk-in, multi-headed shower stall big enough to park a horse in.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: With a slightly apologetic look, he picks up the clothes, folding them and setting them aside.

Xu Xian: He comes back out and grabs Jer's hand, leading him into the shower stall and pushing him under the warm water. He himself is fully clothed in his boating shirt and cargo shorts, having kicked off his docksiders.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He sits in the warm water, at least having the presence of mind to wash himself.

Xu Xian: ((it's not a tub, it's a shower. *G*)) As soon as Jer's under the water, he picks up a washcloth and soaps it up, applying long, almost painful but definitely stimulating strokes across Jer's back.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((I meant stand. :P))

Xu Xian: The rough nap of the cloth, and the pressure he applies has a massaging quality to it. And he does it methodically, slowly, with the rough sort of gentleness one migh expect from a Cat with her kittens.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He stands there, back muscles relaxing as they get worked out. His shoulders slump a little bit, allowed to know that the mnuscles are relaxed enough.

Xu Xian: He pushes him against the wall gently, to help steady him. and starts down at his feet, 'licking' up each calf to the thigh, and then up over the buttocks and hips. There is a tension to him, and a certain degree of fear in his eyes, which he does his best to mask by remaining behind Jer.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: As Xu goes on, Dream becomes more and more relaxed, until he actually has to but a hand against the wall to support himself. He leans his head down, pressing his forehead against the wall.

Xu Xian: He then moves up the back to Jer's shoulders and arms, then to his neck, ears and head.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He takes a breathe in, allowing Xu to finish the back of his head, before he starts to take a gently deep breath.*

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: ((Before breathing it out slowly))

Xu Xian: "Turn around," he says, motioning with the washcloth. His voice is muddy, but mayb that's cause his chin is against his chest as he looks down at Jer's feet.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods and turns around, to face Xu. His own eyes are lowered and off to the side, hands vaguely covering himself.

Xu Xian: 8,3,5,5,4,2,10,

Xu Xian: He takes a few deep breaths and starts on the tops of his feet, moving up the legs in that same, soothing methodical way. He moves up each thigh, then onto the hips and belly, avoiding the area Jer's got cupped in his hands.

Xu Xian: "Mera is the lifeblood of the city he says," as he starts to falter halfway up Jer's torso. "She is in every faucet, every bathtub, every sink and pipe in New York City. She is showering you with her love, her dreams at this very moment."

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He just stands there, staring at the tile to his left, lettiong Xu finish.

Jeremy "Dream" Thomas: He nods a littl to Xu's words, swallowing hard. His voice, when it comes out, is a little hoarse. "I...remember Mera."

Xu Xian: "So long as you can feel her caress on your skin, you will know, that you are never alone, never abandoned, never unloved."